{"id":249535,"date":"2023-02-06T07:00:00","date_gmt":"2023-02-06T06:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/tilt.work\/?p=249535"},"modified":"2023-02-05T21:40:48","modified_gmt":"2023-02-05T20:40:48","slug":"gode-rad-nar-vi-opplever-at-kolleger-blir-snakket-ned","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/tilt.work\/blog\/2023\/02\/06\/gode-rad-nar-vi-opplever-at-kolleger-blir-snakket-ned\/","title":{"rendered":"Gode r\u00e5d n\u00e5r vi opplever at kolleger blir snakket ned"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Har du noen gang opplevd at du etter \u00e5 ha omtalt en kollega, kunde, samarbeidspartner eller konkurrent med begeistring, f\u00e5r et svar tilbake av typen: \u00abN\u00e5 ja, det er ikke s\u00e5 bra heller, jeg har h\u00f8rt at andre har helt andre erfaringer\u2026\u00bb?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

I slike situasjoner kan det v\u00e6re nyttig \u00e5 ta et skritt tilbake og sp\u00f8rre seg selv: \u00abHva var det egentlig jeg opplevde n\u00e5?\u00bb <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00c5rsakene til en avm\u00e5lt respons kan v\u00e6re mange, og her er noen av dem:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

En helt reell erfaring<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Den andre sitter p\u00e5 sine egne erfaringer som forteller en helt annen historie, gjerne fra en annen situasjon og med andre rammer eller roller.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

De fleste av oss har flere sider som vi spiller ut ulikt alt etter hvem vi har med \u00e5 gj\u00f8re, og hvor vi selv befinner oss i eget liv.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kan hende har de to m\u00f8ttes i en helt annen setting, der maktbalansen var annerledes enn den du har med vedkommende i dag.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Egen utrygghet eller sjalusi<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Den vi snakker med, kan oppleve egen posisjon utfordret n\u00e5r vi trekker fram andres positive egenskaper, og se p\u00e5 den omtalte som en trussel, eller ogs\u00e5 som en representant for noe uoppn\u00e5elig.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For hvorfor har vi trukket fram opplevelser med denne personen som spesielt positive? Inneb\u00e6rer det at vi er i ferd med \u00e5 gj\u00f8re noen justeringer p\u00e5 egne prioriteringer framover? Hva vil det i s\u00e5 fall bety for den som nettopp kom med sine motforestillinger?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fra dette perspektivet blir det fort fristende \u00e5 nyansere bildet med form\u00e5l \u00e5 f\u00e5 den vi snakker s\u00e5 varmt om, ned fra \u00abpidestallen\u00bb og tilbake i mengden av helt ordin\u00e6re mennesker.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tredjepersonserfaring<\/strong> <\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Samtalepartneren v\u00e5r kan ha h\u00f8rt andre fortelle om sine frustrasjoner rundt den vi snakker om, og dermed f\u00e5tt et unyansert bilde av vedkommende, uten \u00e5 tenke over at hun eller han bare sitter p\u00e5 en flik av sannheten, basert p\u00e5 historier andre har valgt \u00e5 dele.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Som barn leste jeg alt jeg kom over i huset, uansett om lesestoffet var ment for meg eller ikke. En liten rubrikk i et ukeblad satte seg fast i hodet til en 12-\u00e5ring, men f\u00f8rst som voksen forsto jeg hvor sant det jeg leste, var:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00abMors r\u00e5d til en nygift datter: Fortell meg aldri n\u00e5r du har kranglet med mannen din. <\/em>\nHvorfor? <\/em>\nFordi du kommer til \u00e5 tilgi ham, men det gj\u00f8r ikke jeg.\u00bb<\/em><\/pre>\n\n\n\n
Dette er et godt r\u00e5d ogs\u00e5 i arbeidslivet. En person som i en gitt situasjon har behandlet en av \u00abv\u00e5re\u00bb d\u00e5rlig, bruker lenger tid p\u00e5 \u00e5 snu oss enn p\u00e5 \u00e5 snu den som har blitt utsatt for behandlingen. De to har ofte hatt en mer balansert og sammensatt relasjon over tid, enn vi som tredjepart er klar over.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Er det jeg som er naiv?<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
En sjelden gang kan det v\u00e6re at vi selv er utrolig naive. Da kan advarselen om at vi kan ha m\u00f8tt en ulv i f\u00e5rekl\u00e6r, v\u00e6re p\u00e5 sin plass. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I denne situasjonen skal vi v\u00e6re takknemlige for venner og kolleger som hjelper oss \u00e5 pusse brillene v\u00e5re, slik at vi ser hva som faktisk foreg\u00e5r. Med gode venners hjelp kan vi unng\u00e5 \u00e5 bli lurt av en person, som i m\u00f8te med oss har sin helt personlige agenda . <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Hvordan vet vi forskjellen?<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Det enkleste analyseverkt\u00f8yet her er \u00e5 stille noen \u00e5pne oppf\u00f8lgingssp\u00f8rsm\u00e5l:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
    \n
  • Kan du si litt mer om det du har h\u00f8rt?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n
      \n
    • Er det noe du selv har erfart, eller har du det fra andre?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n
        \n
      • Hva tenker du om det du har h\u00f8rt? <\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n
          \n
        • Hvordan stemmer det med dine egne erfaringer?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n
            \n
          • Hva tenker du at denne personen er god p\u00e5?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n
              \n
            • Kan det v\u00e6re noe vi ikke ser her?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n
              Disse sp\u00f8rsm\u00e5lene kan f\u00f8re til en nyttig samtale der vi begge f\u00e5r tilf\u00f8rt noen nye perspektiv n\u00e5r det gjelder samspillet mennesker imellom generelt, og synet p\u00e5 den som er tema for samtalen, spesielt. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
              Det kan ogs\u00e5 komme til en ekstra bonus i form av vi begge g\u00e5r ut av samtalen med \u00f8kt selvinnsikt.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
              N\u00e5r du opplever at din fremsnakking blir m\u00f8tt med skepsis, er det 6 sp\u00f8rsm\u00e5l du b\u00f8r stille. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12,"featured_media":249829,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_price":"","_stock":"","_tribe_ticket_header":"","_tribe_default_ticket_provider":"","_tribe_ticket_capacity":"0","_ticket_start_date":"","_ticket_end_date":"","_tribe_ticket_show_description":"","_tribe_ticket_show_not_going":false,"_tribe_ticket_use_global_stock":"","_tribe_ticket_global_stock_level":"","_global_stock_mode":"","_global_stock_cap":"","_tribe_rsvp_for_event":"","_tribe_ticket_going_count":"","_tribe_ticket_not_going_count":"","_tribe_tickets_list":"[]","_tribe_ticket_has_attendee_info_fields":false,"_EventAllDay":false,"_EventTimezone":"","_EventStartDate":"","_EventEndDate":"","_EventStartDateUTC":"","_EventEndDateUTC":"","_EventShowMap":false,"_EventShowMapLink":false,"_EventURL":"","_EventCost":"","_EventCostDescription":"","_EventCurrencySymbol":"","_EventCurrencyCode":"","_EventCurrencyPosition":"","_EventDateTimeSeparator":"","_EventTimeRangeSeparator":"","_EventOrganizerID":[],"_EventVenueID":[],"_OrganizerEmail":"","_OrganizerPhone":"","_OrganizerWebsite":"","_VenueAddress":"","_VenueCity":"","_VenueCountry":"","_VenueProvince":"","_VenueState":"","_VenueZip":"","_VenuePhone":"","_VenueURL":"","_VenueStateProvince":"","_VenueLat":"","_VenueLng":"","_VenueShowMap":false,"_VenueShowMapLink":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2651,144],"tags":[3068,1191,1406,1281,4919,2077,2702],"kompetanse":[],"tema":[2347],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nGode r\u00e5d n\u00e5r vi opplever at kolleger blir snakket ned - tilt.work<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Vi opplever av og til at kolleger eller kunder blir snakket ned. 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